


Not My Son, You Punk Bitch.

by duchessofthemoonbase



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Don't Mess With Molly Weasley, Gen, total crack basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-28
Updated: 2016-01-28
Packaged: 2018-05-15 21:09:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5800207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/duchessofthemoonbase/pseuds/duchessofthemoonbase
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill Weasley has turned to the dark side, and Molly Weasley is not having it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not My Son, You Punk Bitch.

Commander Hux sighed, swiping his finger across the computer screen, analyzing maps of planets ripe for destruction. He was working on a new military plan, one that would ensure the Republic’s complete destruction. Kylo Ren would be pleased with his work.

He was soon interrupted by the sound of a stormtrooper rushing into the room. “Commander Hux?”

“Yes? I hope this is important, I’m busy.”

The stormtrooper approached closer. “There’s a problem sir…a woman, running around the base, demanding to speak to you.”

Hux flinched in his chair. “Just…escort her off the base, please.” He continued entering coordinates into the computer.

A half hour later, Kylo Ren himself came rushing through the doors, lightsaber in hand, bashing at the controls.

“HUX!” he shouted. “I’m holding you responsible for this woman, whoever she is. The entire base has been trying to get a hold of her and she keeps running off. She has some sort of short lightless lightsaber that allows her to get out of any situation she pleases. Would you just speak to her so we can get rid of her already?”

“Well,” Hux said bashfully. “Alright.”

“What’s your problem, Hux? Who is this woman anyways?”

“She’s my…”

Suddenly there was a commotion by the door, as an older red-haired woman burst into the room, accompanied by a dozen stormtroopers.

“I’m his _MOTHER,_ thank you very much!” said Molly Weasley.

Kylo snickered, then Molly made eye contact with him, and he just about peed himself.

Commander Hux covered his face with his hand, and sunk into his chair, face scarlet with embarrassment.

“BILL WEASLEY. YOU GET BACK HOME THIS INSTANT. THIS _INSTANT_ BILL. YOUR FATHER HAS BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU, AND FLEUR IS ALL ALONE AND BESIDE HERSELF WITH WORRY! HOW COULD YOU-"

“I’m sorry, Mum, I-"

“THIS IS WAY WORSE THAN THAT EMO PHASE PERCY WENT THROUGH. YOU’RE TOO OLD FOR THIS, BILL. LIVING IN OUTER SPACE AND CALLING YOURSELF COMMANDER HUX? COMPLETELY ABANDONING YOUR MAGICAL ROOTS? NOT SENDING ME BACK YOUR UPDATED SWEATER MEASUREMENTS? I AM YOUR MOTHER, BILL, TELL ME WHAT I EVER DID TO DESERVE THIS KIND OF TREATMENT. I SWEAR, WHEN YOUR FATHER FINDS OUT WHAT YOU’VE BEEN UP TO, HE’S GOING TO-"

Kylo interfered. “Ma’am, Commander Hux-"

“ _Bill_.”

Kylo squirmed. “ _Bill_ has a new military plan of planets to blow up that he needs to work on. So perhaps you can send him a strongly worded letter, or something, okay?”

“ _PLANETS?_ PLANETS FULL OF _INNOCENT PEOPLE_?”

Kylo nodded. “Yes, that would be correct.” Bill was still sunken in his chair, hiding his face.

Molly pointed her wand at Kylo’s lightsaber.

“EXPELLIARMUS!”

Kylo watched with disbelief as his red lightsaber found itself in Molly’s hands. She approached him slowly, holding the lightsaber to his chest.

“ _Not my son, you punk bitch_.”

She stabbed Kylo through the chest, and he fell to the floor, dead. The remaining stormtroopers stood back, astonished and terrified of the woman’s power.

“Come along Bill, your father has an important friend from the ministry coming for dinner tonight, and I need some help with the potatoes.”

Bill got up from his chair slowly, like a wounded animal, and followed his mother outside.

"Yes, Mum."


End file.
